Have you ever had the distinct impression that you and your partner were on completely different wavelengths?
Have you ever wondered, “How are our viewpoints so dissimilar?” Numerous couples confront similar issues during their relationship, and the fact is that these disagreements are not always detrimental. However, misunderstanding may be detrimental, particularly when it results in animosity. You may now be wondering, “What’s the difference?” While having a range of experiences and frames of reference is normal and beneficial, misunderstanding frequently sows the seeds of conflict and causes distance in relationships. The writers of Fighting for Your Marriage characterise the source of miscommunication as a ‘filter.’ As with Snapchat filters, filters in relationships modify or distort our view. “, they claimed “ilters are the primary source of relationship misunderstanding. By recognising and counteracting your filters, you may quickly improve your communication.” A few misunderstanding quotes in English are quoted here in this article.
Fighting for Your Marriage: The #1 Best-Selling Divorce Prevention and Marriage Enhancement Book Markman, Howard J., Stanley, Scott M., and Blumburg, Susan L.
Where Do Filters Originate?
Each person brings a unique set of experiences, and each marriage is a unique synthesis of family dynamics, race, nationality, religion, values, and beliefs. While you may be aware of the majority of your spouse’s views and perspectives, it’s easy to overlook the impact these variances have on our communication.
My buddy described an instance of miscommunication between a husband and wife from two different nations.
Susan was originally from the Dominican Republic, whereas Adam was from the western United States. They married happily and opted to raise their children in the United States. They were conscious of a variation in their perceptions of their tiny children’s tumbles throughout their early parenting years. When a youngster fell, Susan grew concerned for the child’s safety. In comparison, Adam believed his wife’s response was overdone. His wife was dramatising something little and insignificant in his opinion.
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Their modest family visited the Dominican Republic later in their marriage. Adam immediately noted the abundance of concrete that was almost everywhere—on the street, inside residences, and so on. That is when he discovered why his wife’s reaction had been so strong. A youngster who falls on concrete is at a significant risk of serious harm. His wife was responding to an event that had been significant in her life.
Susan and Adam’s misunderstanding is a textbook case of two experiences that did not provide a common point of view. It would have been simple for Susan to assume that Adam did not care as much about their child’s well-being as she did, and for Adam to believe that Susan was too protective. This misunderstanding was overcome only when Adam gained a grasp of Susan’s point of view.
Identifying a Filter
Thus, how do you identify filters as they emerge? It may be as straightforward as slowing down. Your spouse is not your adversary; rather, they are your biggest friend, and it’s critical to remember that they want you on their side just as much as you do. While it might be challenging to detect your own and your spouse’s filters, there are some questions you can ask yourself or discuss with your relationship to foster mutual understanding and an open communication.
- Have I communicated this expectation with my spouse honestly and plainly?
Numerous couples make the error of assuming their companion understands precisely what they are thinking. Unspoken expectations are those that you should not have. Ensure that you communicate your priorities to your partner. It is unjust to expect your partner to be able to read your mind.
- How does my mood influence how I perceive this situation?
Have you ever heard the expression ‘hangry’? Many individuals would confess that it’s more difficult to be polite when they’re hungry. A difficult day at work or a restless night may have a profound effect on your perception. It’s critical to analyse how these emotional, mental, and physical variables are impacting your conduct during these periods of mood-induced discomfort. This enables you to seize control of your emotions and prevent it from bulldozing your companion. Remember to communicate these factors with your spouse. This manner, they may truly live up to their potential as your best ally.
- Will this still result in a beneficial outcome?
As you are probably aware, sometimes individuals behave differently than you do—and that is perfectly OK! Many couples mistakenly believe their way is the greatest, when in fact, these distinctions are a godsend. They provide a chance for your connection to grow via learning and teaching. Your spouse will approach things differently, and those differences may result in a solution that is superior than the one you initially imagined. Celebrate these accomplishments with your spouse—even if the tactics by which they were accomplished were not your own.
- Is pride a factor in this misunderstanding?
Finally, you should constantly consider whether your pride is impeding your ability to resolve a communication breakdown. If your greatest justification for remaining furious is tiny particulars, then pride is at work. Perhaps your biggest asset in identifying filters and resolving misunderstanding is humility. Humility will motivate you to care more about your partner’s well-being and your couple’s success than the ephemeral satisfaction of being ‘correct.’
Slowing down and committing to discovering the filters in your relationship will increase your mutual respect and understanding. This will also improve your communication skills and, as a result, your ability to listen.
“Today, it appears as though everyone believes that communication means, ‘I want to be heard.’ However, individuals frequently forget that communication also entails listening.”
Beck, Sara
As you work to keep filters out of your connection, your separate viewpoints will shift from mine to ours. The discussion that proceeds will serve as a channel for developing a deeper knowledge of one another, aligning your common dreams, and fortifying your love and devotion to one another.